Judging others is easy, but it’s not a good idea. How do you avoid the trap of judgment?
Tweek it just a little.
Instead of judging others, take one step back and simply observe. Look at what is being said or done and assess it.
What about this is good or bad?
What parts of this are helpful and what is harmful?
How would you describe it to someone else?
Don’t compare it to your own behavior. Be objective. Stay neutral.
Take one more step back and be discerning. Discernment is assessing the aspects of a situation without becoming emotionally involved in it. It’s watching something play out completely separate from you. It is a skill which allows you to experience life’s events without having them drag you down or lead you astray. It has five characteristics to help you navigate life without judgment’s negative consequences.
Positive
Discernment is positive. It sees what is, does not need to draw a conclusion about it, and uses information to make future decisions.
Discernment is when you are cut off in traffic and do not take it personally or conclude the driver is a selfish rude person. You do, however, take care when near that driver.
Discernment is when you don’t sleep well but do not conclude that all nights will be like this or that you will feel sleepy all day. You do, however, consider what caused you to not sleep well and take steps to remedy it.
Discernment is when you hear a politician make controversial remarks but do not make a sweeping judgment that all politicians are controversial or that the Party is. You simply ask more questions before you decide how to vote.
Discernment is positive and judgment is negative. Judgment sees events play out and fills in the blanks to create a narrative to satisfy the ego. WIthout full knowledge, a judgmental person defines events as either wrong or right.
Wise
Discernment is wise. It uses the limited information it gathers and does not feed fears or anxieties. Discernment is a storehouse of information to make good decisions. Discernment, like wisdom understands that it cannot see everything. To be discerning is to continue to learn.
Discernment is when you see a homeless person begging for money and feel compassion. You do not conclude anything about the homeless person that you do not know. To deduce the person is lazy, a phony, or ignorant is unwise. Discernment will have a conversation with the person to gather more information or simply walk away without judgment.
Judgment, on the other hand, is driven by the ego. It is unwise. It sees itself as the sole source of knowledge and perspective. Often, judgment does not accept all the information it sees but carefully chooses what it wants to fit into the story it has created. Judgment forces others to be wrong in order for you to be right.
Open (Hopeful)
Discernment is open to good things happening in the future. Even though the circumstances seem dire, it is open to possibilities not even imagined. It sees a loved one survive a near fatal car accident but does not fall into deep despair. The discerning person does not walk away from the hospital bed with a cheery, ‘see you tomorrow’ comment without accepting the reality of what is. Although discernment may not believe in positive outcomes yet, it does hold out hope for them.
Discernment can deal with uncertainty. It is open to all possibilities and also makes decisions based on the facts in front of it now. This open attitude describes superposition, a state described in quantum physics (as best as I understand it) as the moment before a decision is made where all possibilities exist.
Judgment is closed. It sees what currently is and believes it understands all it needs to. Instead of remaining open to hope, it shuts itself off to not be hurt. Judgment seeks to close the circle and draw a conclusion instead of waiting for life to unfold.
Confident
When you are discerning, you trust your gut to tell you what you see. Instead of checking with all those around you to interpret the circumstances, you believe your experiences and opinions help you. Confidence is not believing you are the only one who is right, it is just confident that the interpretation you see is valid.
Each person has their own take on things. When you are confident, it is not necessary to get agreement from others to feel good (or bad) about yourself. You will discern circumstances through your filters and know that others will do the same. Confidence is not the belief that “I’m better than you”, it is simply the belief that “I’m good”.
Judgment is about protecting your ego. It seeks to make others lower than you to feel good about itself.
Healthy
Being discerning is good for the body. It recognizes what it can control and what it can’t. When we let events and circumstances pass by because there is nothing to do about them, we reduce our stress level. This is good for our body.
Discernment is also good for our mind because we aren’t struggling trying to manipulate or control what cannot be managed. Instead of trying to shove other people’s perspectives into our box, we allow them to add new and interesting perspectives to our own mind.
Finally, discernment is good for our spirit as we don’t land in the mud puddle of judgment which does not allow love to flow. It is not locked in hatred, unforgiveness, or hopelessness. Love is the solution to all problems and the most difficult for us to perform. When we sit in discernment instead of judgment, the task is much easier.
Judgment is not healthy for anyone or anything.
Do you want to be positive, wise, open (hopeful), confident, and healthy? If so, . . .