Do you ever feel like you’re not being heard? Are your suggestions met with rolling eyes or ignored completely? We all have our ideas rejected now and then. How can you get them to listen?
The Art Space
We were on vacation in a lovely part of the country. With just three days to enjoy the area, my friends and I found it difficult to agree on what to do first. Before the trip I had done a little research and my suggestion was to go to a local art space where we could string beads, throw clay, or weld metal. No one responded. I took it as a “no” even though I wasn’t entirely sure anyone had heard me speak up.
More ideas were brought to the table and eventually we all packed into the car and took a drive around on that rainy afternoon. All the while I steamed about how dumb it was that we were driving around because we had spent 6 hours in the car the previous day just to get there.
I continued to stew, feeling bad no one had listened to me. Bitterness filled my spirit as I dreamed about how much fun we all would have had at the art space. Victimization wrapped her slimy fingers around my neck as I convinced myself this is how my life goes. No one listens.
I was stuck.
Choices
Months after the trip, I continued to regret not going to the art space. Why hadn’t they heard my wonderful suggestion? Focused on their bad behavior kept me from seeing my own.
Then it dawned on me.
We had driven in two cars to our destination. Instead of blaming others for what I couldn’t do, I could have used the other car and gone to the art space by myself. My insecurities had gotten in the way of finding a solution. Judging others had clouded the option that was right in front of me.
Another realization was that my emotions were not the responsibility of anyone but myself to manage. No one forced me to go on that drive. If I was going to mope about it, it would have been better to stay home. And, if I really felt strongly about the fun, we would have had at the art space, it was up to me to explain why I thought it would be so.
Finally, the reason this happened was to let me know I had something to figure out to get unstuck. My negative gut reaction was a signal telling me something was wrong. If I felt I had not been heard, it was up to me to speak up. If they still didn’t like the idea, I would be free to decide if it was good enough for me to try on my own.
In order to get stuck, we need to pay attention to our negative reactions to see what the internal source of our discomfort is. In my case, it wasn’t that they didn’t like my idea, it was that I felt I hadn’t been heard. And it was on me to fix that.
For You
Is there a situation you can think of where you felt someone wasn’t listening to you? What did you do about it? How did you feel? Did you blame your emotional reaction on them? Did you speak up? Were you afraid to? What was your internal discomfort?
Challenge
The next time you feel someone isn’t listening to you, pay attention to what is going on inside you. Whether or not they hear you or agree with you is entirely up to them. If you feel they don’t understand or disagree with your position, take time to explain it. But if you have negative emotions, challenge yourself to get to the root of your discomfort. Blaming your negative emotions on them will only keep you stuck.
So – my friends don’t hear me
Now – in this moment
What – will I do about it?
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