Are you an accepting person?

Let me ask you a few questions. Do you accept yourself, your parents’, your spouse, the weather, things you don’t understand, different opinions, or compliments?

Acceptance can be tricky business. Learning to accept all these things will be a game changer for your life.

Describe the Habit of Acceptance

One definition of acceptance is: the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.

How does that play out in life? Let’s go through some questions that will help you see where you are on the acceptance scale.

Do you accept yourself? Acceptance of yourself means you understand you have both strengths and weaknesses. You use your strengths and get help with things you’re not so good at.
Do you accept your parents? As an adult, acceptance of your parents means understanding they are not you. They have their own values and beliefs. I don’t doubt they love you, but their job is no longer to live their lives for you as they did when you were a child. You are now an adult and their love is shown as giving you the freedom to make your own choices. If you want them to accept who you are, you must accept who they are.
Do you accept your spouse? When you accept your spouse, you not only enjoy the easy parts of their personality, but you also accept their flaws and allow them to be imperfect. When inevitable differences arise, you work towards consensus, or agree to disagree without judgment. Acceptance means appreciating your different points of view.
Do you accept the weather? May people follow the statement, “it’s a lovely summer day!” with “but we sure didn’t have much of a spring” or some other derogatory comment. It’s as if we’re somehow incomplete if we don’t point out the negative side of the weather. Acceptance of the weather is accepting that you have no control over it, and it will not change based on your preferences.
Do you accept things you don’t understand? Each of us has just a thimble-full of knowledge of this vast universe. Just last week I Googled “photosynthesis” (something I probably learned in high school, but quickly forgot). What topics do you have limited understanding of? To have a habit of acceptance is to be humble enough to understand that there are people who understand some subjects and philosophies waaaaaay better than you do. You can accept that you don’t understand everything.
Do you accept people with different opinions than you? There are plenty of those to go around! Acceptance of differing opinions means allowing others to have them. If your blood is boiling inside you because someone has a different opinion, you’re not at acceptance yet. Also, acceptance means you don’t feel a need to react to other people’s different opinions. You are able to love and respect people you don’t agree with.
Do you accept compliments? Some people aren’t able to accept a compliment. Acceptance means simply saying, “thank you”. To accept compliments means you fully accept yourself.

Why is it a good habit to be accepting?

Because denial isn’t a good habit – You may choose denial instead of acceptance because you’re uncomfortable that you don’t agree. It’s OK to not agree! In fact, if you agree with everyone around you, and they all agree with you, you’re likely living in a fantasy world where people aren’t speaking the truth. This makes for phony relationships that blow away in the wind when life gets messy.

Because it’s a good way to establish and hold your boundaries – When you accept what you want and need out of others, you put boundaries in place to protect what’s valuable to you. When you accept who others are based on their behavior, you use those boundaries to stay safe. That’s what a boundary is for. With some people, you’ll need to point out your boundary. Simply wishing someone’s bad behavior were different is not accepting who they truly are. It’s not your obligation to allow others to mistreat you by giving them space in your life.

It will help you see yourself in a true, confident, and humble light - Acceptance of yourself means understanding your strengths and weaknesses. When you accept your abilities, you use them for good in the world. When you see your weak spots, you won’t defend but accept them. All love begins with self-awareness.

It will help you see others in a true light, forgiving, and compassionate light – Just as you accept your own power, you accept it in others. And just as you refrain from judging your frailties, you hold back with others. That’s not to say you embrace other people’s dysfunction. It just means you just accept who they are.

It will stop you from trying to control things that aren’t controllable – Acceptance means understanding what’s yours to control and what’s not. The habit of acceptance makes you aware of this difference easily.

It’s an easier way to live.

How can you form the habit of acceptance?

Become aware of what you’re not accepting by noticing your complaints and judgements (see last week’s habit). There are many things we don’t accept. It can just be a bad habit. Start to notice! Are you complaining about the weather, another driver, the economy, the President, the Church, Facebook, or your competitor? Are you judging opinions, intention, or a different perspective? Acceptance doesn’t mean you necessarily embrace these things, but you let them be what they are without emotion entering the picture. You accept your opinion without having to make others wrong.
Take a step back and breathe. Acceptance can be very difficult. You may need a moment to disconnect and take a breath.
Let go of what you can’t control. This can also be difficult for some people. If you’re used to being in control, it may feel like someone is peeling your fingers off the steering wheel, leaving you to drive out of control. Take small steps of letting go of control in situations that aren’t that important. Practice makes perfect.
Observe. Smile. Walk away. Once you can do this in potentially emotionally charged situations, you’re well on your way to acceptance.