Did you know that human connection is good for your overall wellness? It is! Recent research shows that loneliness kills is as destructive as smoking.

Describe the habit

We connect with people in many ways. As children, our immediate family connections are the closest. Those may extend to aunts, uncles, and cousins. As we grow older, we choose friendships at school and in the neighborhood. As life progresses, you may a develop romantic relationship.

Our ever-expanding life can include relationships based on a hobby, your work setting, or a faith community you belong to. The depth and importance of each of these connections vary. When you have experiences with others or go through challenges together, you can develop deeper relationships. These are the connections that are necessary for your overall well-being.

Although not all connections with others are deep and meaningful, it’s still important to make a habit of connecting with others. We need regular human contact and you never know what random encounter will turn out to be a person that will support you through thick and thin.

Why is it a good habit to connect with others?

A study began at Harvard University over 80 years ago that included 268 Harvard educated men. Alongside this study was another which took 456 disadvantaged men. Both were interested in the question of what factors lead to aging well. Physical data was taken each year along with questions about the men’s lives. It was thought that a person’s social status, the opportunities they had, where they lived, or the success they had in their career would lead to healthy aging. As it turned out, the main factor in determining healthy aging was relationships. It was not the number of relationships but the depth of them that mattered.

Having deep connections with others is how we were created. Having (or forming) this habit will lead to a healthier and happier life. These connections can improve your mood, provide perspective, and offer support. And most of all, it’s fun to be connected to others!

Connecting with others gives you added perspective. Learning about other viewpoints causes growth. Although this may cause some discomfort, it’s worth it. Not everyone you hang with will perfectly align with your values, attitudes, emotions, choices, and thoughts. The closer we get to others, the more likely it is that we’ll find some differences. When we can accept those differences, there is a basis to form solid connections.

How can you form the habit of connecting with others?

Forming deep connections takes time and you will need to invest by listening to others, caring for them, and being interested in their lives.

Here are some ways to connect with others:

1. Have people over for dinner.

2. Go to a movie together and discuss what you liked / disliked about it.

3. Join a book club! This is a great place to connect with others in many areas of life as you discuss the contents of books.

4. Be part of a faith community. There will be a strong basis for deep connections that you can expand to other areas of life.

5. Ask questions! The best way to get to know another person is to ask questions. Everyone wants to be heard and understood. I have a warning, however. Make sure the questions go both ways. If you are the only one curious about the other, a one-way connection is being made.

As you develop these connections, don’t be afraid to address conflict. When you share your position and listen to the other persons, you can find common ground or agree to disagree. Getting through conflict is one of the best ways to forge deep connection.

Understand that, like many things, these deep connections take time and effort. Having this understanding will prevent you from leaving the friendship when it hits a bump in the road. You will be less likely to judge harshly if you realize this process is not linear.